INDIANA COMMUNITY HIRES ATTORNEY GENERAL TO REGULATE INDECENT PROM DRESSES
Pork Rind, IN (DP) -- The Council and the School Board took the extraordinary step of hiring Former Attorney General John Ashcroft to act as monitor of prom dresses. Thomas Fudd, President of the Board allowed that "We were all flabbergasted by the lack of decorum in that California school that made the news a few weeks ago, and we wish to avoid the same problem and adverse publicity. However, we needed a commisar, er, dress monitor to regulate the dresses."
Mr Ashcroft has been granted extraordinary powers to monitor said dresses, their contents (or lack thereof), and to determine that they meet officially published standards as to length and neckline. His name was mentioned because of his efforts earlier in the past years to protect the citizenry from lewd tin statues.
Preliminary reactions by the Pork Rind High School students was puzzled and acceptant. As Bitsy Flugleheimer said, "The really wild times happen after the Prom, like at the lake or in Louavul." In all, the Prom of 2015 promises to be a relatively short one, but with fashionably long dresses, at least from the point of view of "an old dude from Missouri," as Bill Jones, a senior, styled Mr. Ashcroft.
Rest easy, Indiana!