Tuesday, December 28, 2010

An Evening of Chamber Music

The North Central Chapter of Hell's Angels
is proud to present
An Evening of Chamber Music
"Kanon in D"
to be held in
Blair's Truck Stop and Bar
January 6, 2011
Black tie or evening gown preferred
Cocktails afterwards

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Realities of Life in North Dakota

Some person from the Sun Belt asked me little ways in which life here is different. In no attempt at subtlety, I listed a few:

1. If you leave your beer bottles outside all night during the winter, you can have a beer popsickle.

2. People do not think it strange to eat two kinds of pie for breakfast.

3. Bridal lingerie showers almost always include longjohns for a bridal gift.

4. People actually have an abiding interest in hockey.

5. The vice squad in Fargo goes off duty at 10 P.M., as the doxies leave the street.

6. Minneapolis is considered Sin City.

7. The Grand Forks Herald is the state's premier newspaper.

8. They charge admission to wedding dances in some towns.

9. Our Red River floods.

10. North Dakota was too cold for Custer, who once went AWOL.

11. Lesbians ridge on floats in parades.

12. Theodore Roosevelt and the Marquis de Mores were important state historical figures.

13. When citing famous North Dakotans, they cite Peggy Lee, Lawrence WElk, and Roger Maris.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Baptist Passion Check

This is a subtle touching of a guy's crotch area to see whether he is beginning to have an erection. The plan is that, if he is, to stop the deep kissing or making out.

Example: Anne stopped Tom in mid-kiss after he failed the Baptist passion check.

It takes considerably more self-control than I can muster to go this route.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Time for Troll Sensitivity

There's an unfortunate term that has come into usage on the internet, and I insist that it is offensive and discriminatory to the real persons. After all, sensitive people have come to abhor and disapprove of such expressions as "&%# him down," "#%&@#* verdict,$%*&#@ rigging," "$%# salad," and so forth. And, rightly, they should.

The term I take exception to is the common internet use of the term "troll." Now a real troll is a member of an anthropomorph race that inhabited Scandinavia originally. However, had some of its members migrated to Minnesota and North Dakota. They tend to be isolated, secretive, and ordinarily have only indirect exchange encounters with humans. They sometimes benefit the human race by exchanging troll babies for the degenerate human ones and thus reinvigorate the human species line.

To call internet troublemakers "trolls" is an injustice to this worthy race of our fellow creatures. Also, we should take care not to associate cannibalism with trollism. (Most subsist on frogs and birds' eggs.) Also, they are not hairy or physically unattractive; in fact, some of the prominent fashion models are really troll changlings. As a matter of fact, if a man encounters a fashionably-dressed women in the forest, she is probably a lipstick lesbian troll. She would, however, be better described as a lutefisk lesbian, after their favorite food.

It's time to give our fellow Troll-Americans their place in the sun and their own character on Grey's Anatomy! The Pro-Troll Defamation League is mobilizing and plans some demonstrations in Minneapolis, Mankato, Duluth, and Fargo soon.

Uff da!