Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Funny Florida Laws

-It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
-Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless                -Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
-It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
-When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
-You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM on Thursday.  Save your nocturnal farts for the other six days.
-It is considered an offense to shower naked.
-You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
-You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
-Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.

-The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
-One may not commit any "unnatural acts" with another person.
-Unmarried couples may not commit "lewd acts" and live together in the same residence.
-Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
-Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
-It is illegal to sell your children.
-Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
-A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
-If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

In Pensacola citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.

In Key West, chickens are considered a 'protected species.'

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Who's Bra?

It was track season in my junior year of high school and the girls had to practice with the boys the unit on track and field.  I hated these mixed classes; I felt like a cow. 
Because it was the day before wash day, I was down to a tight-fitting, constricting strapless bra.  It posed no problem under my PE clothes.  We stretched we as a group and then went out to the track to learn how to toss the discus.  It was really hard and unpleasant the discus was really heavy. It was then that I realized that my bra had come looser and was hanging by not all the hooks!  Oh, crap!

I couldn't re-hook it now because all the boys were watching, so when it came my turn I grabbed the discus and got ready to throw. My back was aching and I felt like I was going to puke - hoping that my bra wouldn't come off.  As soon as I threw it, things felt more comfortable.  Oh no!  My bra made a quick snapping noise, slid off from under my gym shirt, and landed on the ground.

It was pink and lacy.

That gave everyone something to talk about for a day. 

I got over it.