Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Kiss on the Train

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."

The General manager is setting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!"

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

What were you thinking ........

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Foreign Languages?

In an age in which global awareness and the international context for commerce, travel, and other things, it is advantageous for all students to learn a foreign language.

But maybe that's a view that contributes to the moronic view expressed in this sign.  Maybe we should be disposed to regard the reality that is: we have large numbers of people in the United States that speak a language other than English.  Maybe after a while, they will learn some English.  But should that be mandatory?  In general, people will acquire a second language if it is necessary for them to function.

But our non-English speakers should be regarded as a possible asset that might be drawn on in some situation in the future.

But, maybe we could get out of this thinking by adopting a general rule:  Every child, during the course of her or his education, should be able to speak and write in two languages: the original language and a second one among those offered in he schools.

But, this is important:  Have qualified teachers of those second languages!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Cowboy Jokes

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.”
“None? You’ve never had any accidents.” “Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.”
“Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”
“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, “Ah shore do, wardn. Ah d be mighty grateful if n yoo d play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go.”

“Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that,” says the warden.
 He turns to the biker, “And you, biker, What’s your last request?”
 “That you kill me first.”

 Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
 “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
 “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe continued.
 “The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
“Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
“That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
“Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
“You mean the aisle,” Charlie said. “Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
“Pew,” Charlie retorted. “Yeah,” recalled Joe.
“That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”

What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? Gimme a slug of whiskey.

 A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters. “Excuse me, sir,” said the police officer, “who are you?”
“My name’s Tex, officer,” said the cowboy. ”
"Eh?” said the police officer, “Are you from Texas?”
“Nope, Louisiana.”
“Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?”
“Don’t want to be called Louise, do I?" 

Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them?
Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.