Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Taxidermist

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”

The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”

The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”

“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us."


Here's a wholesome story of how a daughter encouraged her mother in a career choice. Enjoy!


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Building an Ad Campaign Around Kitty Litter

West Hurley, North Dakota was a rather dull place, a fact that annoyed Clotilde Bradley, the high-powered PR expert from Minneapolis very very much.
It seemed that Ms. Bradley was tasked with developing an advertisement campaign for West Hurley and the only possible claims to fame it could have was being on U.S. 2 and being the largest single manufacturer of kitty litter in the U.S.
U.S. 2 was of no great importance; but local industry seemed to be a good hook. Unfortunately, she had to base it on kitty litter, not very promising. So she looked for possible euphemisms for the offending words:
Kitty Waste Center of America? No. that wouldn't do.
Feline Sanitization Capital of the United States, Better. But a little bit of imagination is needed.
And she hit upon an imaginative one: West Hurley is where gangster cats did their contracts on Felines Who Offend. This was novel; and it might even be picked up by some extraregional paper like the Los Angeles Times. So she had her art department do a little work: Tom the Cat being given an untimely end by being buried in wet kitty litter.
What horrors are found in the minds of desparate PR experts from Minneapolis?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Bras and Panties Are Historical

The Missouri History Museum would like people to send in panties, bras, corsets, and girdles in for an exhibit of undies. The museum is planning a major exhibit on the evolution of women's underwear and needs the public's help to round out its collection of old-fashioned and more recent unmentionables. The exhibit is provisionally "Underneath It All" exhibit is slated to open July 1.

If you're thinking of donating or lending items to the exhibit, send a email
with a description to
objects@mohistory.org. The museum is
still looking for these undergarments:
• Sleeve pads from the 1830s.
• Corsets from the 1860s and earlier.
• Bras from the 1930s through the early 1980s.
• Girdles from the 1940s through the 1960s.
• "Falsies," inflatable bras or other breast enhancements from the 1950s.
• Matching bra-and-panty sets from the 1960s.
• Training bras and other underwear for teenagers and pre- teens from the
1960s through the 1980s.
• "No-Bra" bras or any other examples of sheer bras from the late 1960s and
early 1970s.
• Jogbra bras from 1970s and other fitness-related underwear from the 1970s
and 1980s.
• Maternity and nursing- relater underwear from all time periods.
• Examples of more recent trends in women's underwear, such as large
shoulder pads from the 1980s, Wonderbra bras from the 1990s and backless bras
from the 1990s to the present.

I read that local hotels are planning packages for undie fetishists.

Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/metro/history-museum-might-want-your-old-underwear-for-upcoming-exhibit/article_5ce8031e-25f9-5dbf-abf9-31fc146c5b54.html#ixzz1mAYXZHlW


New Hampshire's legislature is considering a ban on state workers wearing scents from perfume, cologne, or even soap from the state workplaces. If this measure passes, it would take effect in sixty days.

New Hampshire's motto is, "Live Free or Die."

Dickinson State College recently made the news regarding 400 international students being awarded diplomas despite not meeting all of the graduation requirements. It was described as a "diploma mill." I hope there will not be a stigmatization of all North Dakota institutions by unpleasant out-of-state critics.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Taking the Dog for a Ride

This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile.

The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals.

Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road.

What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver.

The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a road hazard, for other drivers!"

"What hazard,?" asked the man.

"A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk,
trying to avoid hitting it." Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir?"

"Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch!"

"Sir, I was referring to the dog!"

"Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer?"

"Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!"