Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope today will be a happy one for you and yours.  Love you all!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Scotland's Independence Vote This Thursday

The vote in Scotland to leave, or to stay in, the United Kingdom has been followed by this resident of a former English colony.  In my opinion, we made the right move in 1776.

Whatever the pros and cons of Scottish independence, it seems pretty clear that David Cameron and the English parliament only came up with offers for greater Scottish freedom within the U.K. because they feared losing Thursday.  They never spontaneously made that offer to the Scots.

And what about the Irish and the Welsh?  Why weren't they given the same offers?  Why not Commonwealth status for them, like the Australians and the Canadians have?

In my view, this is continuation of English - Colonial history nowadays: the English screw their colonies!

Nuts to England!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Funny Florida Laws

-It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
-Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless                -Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
-It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
-When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
-You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM on Thursday.  Save your nocturnal farts for the other six days.
-It is considered an offense to shower naked.
-You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
-You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
-Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.

-The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.
-One may not commit any "unnatural acts" with another person.
-Unmarried couples may not commit "lewd acts" and live together in the same residence.
-Corrupting the public morals is defined as a nuisance, and is declared a misdemeanor offense.
-Doors of all public buildings must open outwards.
-It is illegal to sell your children.
-Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
-A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
-If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

In Pensacola citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.

In Key West, chickens are considered a 'protected species.'

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Who's Bra?

It was track season in my junior year of high school and the girls had to practice with the boys the unit on track and field.  I hated these mixed classes; I felt like a cow. 
Because it was the day before wash day, I was down to a tight-fitting, constricting strapless bra.  It posed no problem under my PE clothes.  We stretched we as a group and then went out to the track to learn how to toss the discus.  It was really hard and unpleasant the discus was really heavy. It was then that I realized that my bra had come looser and was hanging by not all the hooks!  Oh, crap!

I couldn't re-hook it now because all the boys were watching, so when it came my turn I grabbed the discus and got ready to throw. My back was aching and I felt like I was going to puke - hoping that my bra wouldn't come off.  As soon as I threw it, things felt more comfortable.  Oh no!  My bra made a quick snapping noise, slid off from under my gym shirt, and landed on the ground.

It was pink and lacy.

That gave everyone something to talk about for a day. 

I got over it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Occasionally Seen in Florida

Well, almost! 
There's a sizeable cultural shock
that goes with encountering the
relative relaxed modesty and
alcohol intake in South Florida.

I'm still working on it.

Friday, June 13, 2014

A No-Show for the Prom, But Still a Class Act

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut wanted to go to her high school prom only if she could go with "the most delightful man in all of America"; so she wrote to invite Vice President Joe Biden!

Biden, very much married, couldn't make it, but sent a handwritten card and a corsage he picked out — baby's breath, white roses and red, white and blue ribbons.  Talia received this corsage the day before the scheduled prom. 

She thought that Biden was funny and "would be fun to hang out with."

She had threatened, if he turned her down, to invite Speaker John Boehner.

Joe Biden and Talia Maselli may meet at the White House in July.

This Republican girl thinks that he was really cool!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The C-String

I just want to report on the most outlandish innovation in swimwear that has hit the Florida beaches: the C-string!

Think of this as a substitute for the bikini bottom.  If you thought the string bikini or the thong reached levels of daring, this  little nothing pushes things a bit further.

I'm not sure; but I think it might have originated in South America, where there seems to be a competition for making swimwear increasingly daring.  Let's say that this pushes the envelope a bit further.  It must take a special act of faith to presume that it would stay in place with any kind of use!

Toto, I don't think we're in North Dakota any more!

I do not plan to go in this direction.  A granny bikini is daring enough, especially considering that I have an ample backside.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Three Blondes

viber image
Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, “Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey.”

“Nooooo,” said St. Peter. “You don’t get in.”

The second blonde said, “Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus’ being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other.”

“Nooooo,” said St. Peter. “You don’t get in, either.”

The third blonde said, “Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it.”

“Very good!” said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. “Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball.”

St. Peter fainted!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Ole Testifies in Court

In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and vas driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. I vas hurting, real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'"

"Now vat the HELL vould YOU say?"

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Bras on Broadway

An annual event in Fargo, ND is the "Bras on Broadway."  On this occasion, donors for breast cancer research are asked to donate $5 and an old bra which will be hung on the Hotel Donaldson.  As you can see, lots of Fargo women donated their bras to the cause of this research.

I figure that my hooters can spare one for the cause.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Sleeping on the Sofa

In general, living with my  parents has not posed any problems; but there are occasional bumpy spots now and then.  One of these that could have been painful occurred recently, when my boyfriend Matt and I fell asleep while watching television.

It was due to simple exhaustion, we both work long, unusual hours.

Anyway, we were cuddled on the sofa when he fell asleep while having his hand in my tee.  I was utterly relaxed, and I thought I'd savor the moment by closing my eyes also.  That was not a good plan.

Several hours later, he woke me up and we found that we were covered by a light blanket.  This totally surprised us; but then I figured out that Mom and Dad came home and one of them covered us up.

Just like when I was a little girl and I would fall asleep on the sofa.

Matt went home, not aware of what had transpired while we were asleep.

The next day, I expected a scolding, as my parents are proper Lutherans.  We never discussed their house rules, so I had been going on the assumption that they were the same as when I was a teen and very clearly we had been making out.  Desultorily, it seems, as we both fell asleep! 

However, my Mom said, "Maybe you and Matt would be more comfortable in your room?"   She definitely loosened up in the past few years.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Personalized Car Tags from the Sunshine State

Like most states, Florida issues some personalized car tags.  However, the state vets those proposed, and denies some more troublesome ones.  Here are a few examples:

You can find a few more examples at:

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Fargo on Television

Last night the FX series "Fargo" begun.  It was filmed largely in Bemidji, MN and Brainerd, MN; but the landscape is pretty much the same.

It was a bleak vision of human nature, with the fictional Fargo peopled with mousy men, bullies, shrewish wives all talking in a parody of the regional accent.

Moreover, there was too many commercials.  There must have been at least a half-hour's worth.  That's overkill, but I know those cable channels have to make ends meet somehow.

Anyway, I found it disappointing.  And being showed so late (11 P.M.) that it was hard to stay awake after a busy evening.

I will give it another shot; but I hope it picks up.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Update on Florida

It's taken me a while, but I finally got used to the daytime temps in the eighties, and the different style of life down here.

Still living with my parents; but we've settled into a comfortable routine like we had when I was in high school.  It's ironical, but we had to move to a different climate before the late 20's adult child returning to the nest cliché became a reality.  Actually, we have no conflicts or rough spots.  It's kind of nice to be in the daughter role again, but with some modifications, like no curfew.

Right now I am on the wait staff at a local restaurant.  It's hard work; but Floridians tip well.  I think my accent may help -- I
ve gotten the nickname "Fargo" because I sound like I
m from the movie.  Yah!  Daddy is not thrilled that my costume is short shorts and a tee, but at least we don't wear heels.  That would be tacky.

I'm seeing someone now, but where it is going to go is unknown.

Daddy got a small boat with outboard motor for fishing.

I got a two-piece swimsuit; but need to lose some muffin top.

I'm working up my nerve to visit Miami, but have to get over being intimidated by its size and traffic.

Hope you are doing well.  Or maybe I should say you all.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Now in Florida

It's nice to be in Florida; but it's taking a little getting adjusted to.

There's the heat, for one.  Right now, it's in the 60s; but reports have it at a scary mid-80's next week.

My parents and I are still unpacking; and there is minor chaos in finding things as we need them.

The produce is fresh!  I can live with that!

Currently, I'm a part-time waitress, doing evenings in a restaurant.  Tips are good; but I'm on my feet a lot.  Hopefully, I can move up to something else in the near future.  Being on one's feet for so long is not easy.  I'm looking at a barmaid opening tomorrow.

I tried on my two-piece swimsuit.  The results were not pretty.  I have a ways to go. 

The sleeping late is a bad habit that needs breaking!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Florida Banana Oil

Seeing that I'm in between jobs, and Mom and Dad have recently retired to Florida, I've decided to have a change of latitude and attitude.  (Too much Jimmy Buffet, IMO.)  Anyway, they're looking at Fort Myers, and they invited me to live down there with them until I decide to get my own place.

I've just about had it with the cold.  Coping with North Dakota can be nerve-racking, and just the desire for a more relaxed life is a sizeable draw.

I'll probably have to be casually employed for a while; but this seems like a good move despite the fact that ND has this sudden boom economy.  It's a quality of life thing.