"This is too stimulating!" Tom ejaculated.
"Orgasms aren't a big deal," Mary said anticlimactically.
"Tonight's just not my night," said Tom limply.
"Masturbating this way makes me gasp," Tom cried jerkingly.
"I forgot to make Tom use a condom," Mary whispered pregnantly.
"I'm not physically attracted to women," Tom said gaily.
"Please remove your hand from my bra," Mary tittered.
"Let me get a harness and leash," Tom said fetchingly.
"I get turned on by female ejaculation," Mary gushed.
"After we fuck, I feel so empty," Tom said vacuously.
"I didn't enjoy John Wayne Bobbitt's movie," Mary remembered.
"I need to see more than one person," Tom said unsteadily.
"I want both Greg and Gary in my bed," Mary said gregariously.
"I made it with a girls' softball team," Tom said asininely.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Lame South Dakota Jokes
Q: Why do ducks fly over South
Dakota upside down?
A: There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Dakota?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in South Dakota?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why do folks from South Dakota go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in South Dakota?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why did South Dakota raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in South Dakota is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do University of South Dakota grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of South Dakota campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of South Dakota library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average University of South Dakota student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of South Dakota freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in South Dakota?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the South Dakota campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in South Dakota?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What's the difference between a South Dakota grad and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in South Dakota?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the South Dakota grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a South Dakota virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to University of South Dakota?
A: Rejects from University of North Dakota!
Q: What's the difference between a South Dakota basketball player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: How many South Dakota grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a South Dakota grad's life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a South Dakota native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q. What's the first thing an South Dakota girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a South Dakota grad with a job?
A: A liar!
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in South Dakota?
A: No one would look for them.
A: There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Dakota?
A: If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in South Dakota?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why do folks from South Dakota go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in South Dakota?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why did South Dakota raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in South Dakota is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do University of South Dakota grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of South Dakota campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of South Dakota library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: What does the average University of South Dakota student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of South Dakota freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in South Dakota?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the South Dakota campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned in South Dakota?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What's the difference between a South Dakota grad and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in South Dakota?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the South Dakota grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a South Dakota virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to University of South Dakota?
A: Rejects from University of North Dakota!
Q: What's the difference between a South Dakota basketball player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: How many South Dakota grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a South Dakota grad's life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a South Dakota native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q. What's the first thing an South Dakota girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call a South Dakota grad with a job?
A: A liar!
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in South Dakota?
A: No one would look for them.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Let's Spruce Up Arrest Photographs!
Unfortunately, arrest photographs seem almost always to show the person photographed looking angry, bewildered, and stupid, not to mention looking like they're intoxicated or using serious illegal drugs! And they always seem to look like they smell bad!
Here's an example from Florida to illustrate my point:
http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=a9&Date=20120825&Category=crime03&ArtNo=208250801&Ref=ph&Item=0&odyssey=mod|mostpopphotos
Now I know that Florida is five-star when it comes to weirdness; only California comes close. But I must say that arrest photographs is one of those areas in which the glaring inequality of opportunity is so evident. In a modern, liberal, tolerant society, we must be more sensitive to this sort of problem.
Why is it that some highly affluent and well-connected individuals appear neat and composed in their mug shots, while the less well off look so rough? I think that we would go some ways on our path of ensuring social equality in our society if we would make hair styling, a makeover, and possibly cosmetic surgery an entitlement. Actually, this not a far-fetched notion. Psychological research has shown that beautiful offenders tend to be quantitatively punished less severely than their homlier fellow offendees. This is stark inequality, to say the least! Think of what an improvement in self-esteem would follow, if our government would make this a right enjoyed by all arrestees.
Fashion and Hair Styling Equality: Its time has come!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Free Pussy Riot!
Victims of Oppression in Russia.
Putin the Terrible must go!
Putin Lights Up the Fire
Pussy Riot
This state may be stronger than time in jail.
The more arrests, the happier it is.
Every arrest is carried out with love for the sexist
Who botoxed his cheeks and pumped his chest and abs.
But you can't nail us in the coffin.
Throw off the yoke of former KGB!
Putin is lighting the fires of revolution
He's bored and scared of sharing silence with the people
With every execution: the stench of rotten ash
With every long sentence: a wet dream
The country is going, the country is going into the streets boldly
The country is going, the country is going to bid farewell to the regime
The country is going, the country is going, like a feminist wedge
And Putin is going, Putin is going to say goodbye like a sheep
Arrest the whole city for May 6th
Seven years isn't enough, give us 18!
Forbid us to scream, walk and curse!
Go and marry Father Lukashenko
F-U Vladimir Putin!!!!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Amazing Fashion Moments
Let us celebrate fashion that stretches the limits.
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| Taking casual to the limits. |
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| Minimalist bride. |
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| Ultimately, modesty meets a South Dakota fashion statement. |
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| Halloween wear for the supermodels. |
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| An engineer or lost an election bet? |
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| Backless fashions, you're doing it wrong. |
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| Superhero in need of a superjob. |
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| Madama Butterfly. |
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| Groomsmen praying that the laws of gravity have not been repealed. |
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| Nice, in a way. |
Thursday, July 12, 2012
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