Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Strippers Turning to Politics

One little-reported offshoot of the recession is the increasing need of those who depend on gratuities for their income to supplement their original income with alternative means. Case in point: strippers and pole dancers. At one time they could count on a very good cash flow; and live a true stripper's lifestyle.

Now it's important to remember that strippers do have overhead: the numerous costumes to be worn briefly during their performances, and a monthly tip for the bouncer where they perform.Given the limited education of most strippers, and the limits on where they can find alternate work, it is not surprising that some have gone into politics.

However, most voters who might vote for stripper candidates want theirs to be blonde. After all, don't blondes have more fun; and they want their pols to be fun!

"Being able to giggle is a plus, and a little nitrous oxide and peroxide and boob surgery and bam, I’m a viable candidate for the General Assembly! Of course I won’t let my kids watch,” said Gwendolyn Jones (D-Bismarck). "But I've got the foxy grandpa vote. All their friends in other districts are envious.”

Experience doesn’t seem to be a priority in the job description, according to Crystal Delight (R - Fargo) “It’s get on, get off, get paid," said this former stripper-turned politician."

The skills you learn by being a lap dancer in the pubic arena prepare you well for the public arena. You can manage in five minutes to make them believe you care about them and you’re done. But a question seems to have been answered: How well would the typical Flickertail state voter receive these former strippers into the political arena. One of the stripper political candidates, responding to a question by an elderly Methodist woman, answered that she would make a clean breast of her financial record for all to see. The Methodist lady then asked her, "Would you be wearing pasties?"

The candidate's response was, "It depends on the local laws in Bismarck."


  1. But did the former strippers deal with the humiliation of being known practitioners of politics?

  2. Are legislators former strippers with no morals at all?

  3. Can you imagine the uncomfortableness these ladies going into politics might cause their families at Thanksgiving. It was hard enough to have a niece or cousin or daughter as a stripper, but now a politician! That just does not happen in respectable families!

  4. I've just installed iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers strip-tease on my desktop.