Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Cowboy Jokes

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.”
“None? You’ve never had any accidents.” “Nope. Ain’t never had one. Never.”
“Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”
“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, “Ah shore do, wardn. Ah d be mighty grateful if n yoo d play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go.”

“Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that,” says the warden.
 He turns to the biker, “And you, biker, What’s your last request?”
 “That you kill me first.”

 Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
 “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
 “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe continued.
 “The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
“Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
“That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
“Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
“You mean the aisle,” Charlie said. “Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
“Pew,” Charlie retorted. “Yeah,” recalled Joe.
“That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”

What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? Gimme a slug of whiskey.

 A police officer saw a man dressed as a cowboy in the street, complete with huge stetson hat, spurs, and six shooters. “Excuse me, sir,” said the police officer, “who are you?”
“My name’s Tex, officer,” said the cowboy. ”
"Eh?” said the police officer, “Are you from Texas?”
“Nope, Louisiana.”
“Louisiana? So why are you called Tex?”
“Don’t want to be called Louise, do I?" 

Visitor: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them?
Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.