Lutefisk and Yams

Lutefisk and Yams

by Ulf Gunnarsson

Hark and ware, oh Warrior!

Weird of Sven now hear you.

How good Lars he harried,

pestered him with questions.

Late at meadhall light burned;

Lars did strive to largenbelly with a bowl of boiled fish his mission.

And some chunks of chicken,cheese and bread and peasoup,

finally pounds of pancakes

paired with lingon berries.

Smallish snack he snuck while

woozy wife lay snoozing.

When inside there wandered

forth a fellow northman.

Lars did greet him greatly

for he knew the gruesome

tales of host who hasten

travellers forth from doorstep.

Lars did ask his name then.

"I am Sven," he mentioned.

"Sven I am," he stated.

"Do you like lutefisk and yams?"

"Nay." said Lars, "though largely

like I food most goodly, but

I do not like lutefisk and yams,

I do not like them Sven I am."

"Ah," said Sven most sagely.

"Would you eat them on a trip?

Would you eat them on your ship?"

"Nay," said Lars, "though largely

like I food most goodly, but I would not eat them on a trip.

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams,I do not like them, Sven I am."

"Ah," said Sven.

"Then maybemight you eat them on a raid?

Might you eat them with a maid?"

"Nay," said Lars most strongly.

"Like I food most goodly, butI would not eat them on a raid,

I would not eat them with a maid,

I would not eat them on a trip,

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams.

I do not like them, Sven I am."

"Hmmm," said Sven, "Good fellow,would you eat them on the field?

Would you eat them off your shield?"

"Nay!" cried Lars most wrothly,

"Like I food most goodly, butI would not eat them on the field,

I would not eat them off my shield,

I would not eat them on a raid,

I would not eat them with a maid,

I would not eat them on a trip,

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams.

I do not like them, Sven I am."

Sven then looked most crafty.

He then slyly stated:

"Would you eat them served up cold?

Would you eat them if I paid you gold?"

"Well," said Lars, "since largely,

Like I food most goodly...

I might like lutefisk and yams.

I might like them, Sven I am."

Sven produced this Swedish

yam and lutefisk sample.

Lars did test this tasty treat then longly pondered.

Stoutly Lars then stated:

"I despise lutefisk and yams.

I despise them, Sven I am.

I will not eat them served up cold,

I will not eat them if you pay me gold.

I will not eat them on the field,

I will not eat them off my shield,

I will not eat them on a raid,

I will not eat them with a maid,

I will not eat them on a trip,

And I will NOT eat them on MY ship!

I do not like lutefisk and yams,

I do not like them, Sven I am."

And he slew Sven.

Ulf Gunnarsson

Big Ten Hypocrisy

Their prissinesses, the University of Iowa, declined to invite the University of North Dakota to a track meet because of UND's team nicknames: The Fighting Sioux. They were being Goody Two-Shoes by excluding any team with a Native American nickname, despite the fact that it was the North Dakota legislature, and not the University, who reinstated the old team nickname.

However, they extended an invitation to the University of Illinois's Fighting Illini, claiming that they were contractually obligated to do so because Illinois and Iowa were both in the Big Ten.

I don't know if any trousers are on fire; but I smell the sweet fragrance of Big Ten hypocrisy!
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At this time, MSN is conducting a poll asking, "Should UND change its name and logo?" Presently, if UND doesn't do it, the NCAA will forfeit all of the games that they won.

The results, as of 6:30 A.M. on March 2nd are:

73% No, the University should keep them 118,293 votes

6% Yes, the nickname and logo are offensive 9,627 votes

21% I don't care 34,744 votes

The Taxidermist

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”

The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”

The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”

The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”

“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”

The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us."

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Here's a wholesome story of how a daughter encouraged her mother in a career choice. Enjoy!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/love-sex/6474896/Mum-joins-daughter-in-sex-trade

Building an Ad Campaign Around Kitty Litter

West Hurley, North Dakota was a rather dull place, a fact that annoyed Clotilde Bradley, the high-powered PR expert from Minneapolis very very much.

It seemed that Ms. Bradley was tasked with developing an advertisement campaign for West Hurley and the only possible claims to fame it could have was being on U.S. 2 and being the largest single manufacturer of kitty litter in the U.S.

U.S. 2 was of no great importance; but local industry seemed to be a good hook. Unfortunately, she had to base it on kitty litter, not very promising. So she looked for possible euphemisms for the offending words:

Kitty Waste Center of America? No. that wouldn't do.

Feline Sanitization Capital of the United States, Better. But a little bit of imagination is needed.

And she hit upon an imaginative one: West Hurley is where gangster cats did their contracts on Felines Who Offend. This was novel; and it might even be picked up by some extraregional paper like the Los Angeles Times. So she had her art department do a little work: Tom the Cat being given an untimely end by being buried in wet kitty litter.

What horrors are found in the minds of desparate PR experts from Minneapolis?

Bras and Panties Are Historical

The Missouri History Museum would like people to send in panties, bras, corsets, and girdles in for an exhibit of undies. The museum is planning a major exhibit on the evolution of women's underwear and needs the public's help to round out its collection of old-fashioned and more recent unmentionables. The exhibit is provisionally "Underneath It All" exhibit is slated to open July 1.

SEEKING UNDERGARMENTS
If you're thinking of donating or lending items to the exhibit, send a email
with a description to objects@mohistory.org. The museum is
still looking for these undergarments:
• Sleeve pads from the 1830s.
• Corsets from the 1860s and earlier.
• Bras from the 1930s through the early 1980s.
• Girdles from the 1940s through the 1960s.
• "Falsies," inflatable bras or other breast enhancements from the 1950s.
• Matching bra-and-panty sets from the 1960s.
• Training bras and other underwear for teenagers and pre- teens from the
1960s through the 1980s.
• "No-Bra" bras or any other examples of sheer bras from the late 1960s and
early 1970s.
• Jogbra bras from 1970s and other fitness-related underwear from the 1970s
and 1980s.
• Maternity and nursing- relater underwear from all time periods.
• Examples of more recent trends in women's underwear, such as large
shoulder pads from the 1980s, Wonderbra bras from the 1990s and backless bras
from the 1990s to the present.

I read that local hotels are planning packages for undie fetishists.

Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/metro/history-museum-might-want-your-old-underwear-for-upcoming-exhibit/article_5ce8031e-25f9-5dbf-abf9-31fc146c5b54.html#ixzz1mAYXZHlW

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New Hampshire's legislature is considering a ban on state workers wearing scents from perfume, cologne, or even soap from the state workplaces. If this measure passes, it would take effect in sixty days.

New Hampshire's motto is, "Live Free or Die."
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Dickinson State College recently made the news regarding 400 international students being awarded diplomas despite not meeting all of the graduation requirements. It was described as a "diploma mill." I hope there will not be a stigmatization of all North Dakota institutions by unpleasant out-of-state critics.

Taking the Dog for a Ride

This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile.

The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals.

Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road.

What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver.

The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a road hazard, for other drivers!"

"What hazard,?" asked the man.

"A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk,
trying to avoid hitting it." Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir?"

"Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch!"

"Sir, I was referring to the dog!"

"Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer?"

"Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!"

What We're Like in North Dakota V

We have wineries:

http://www.catchwine.com/wineries/north_dakota/