Opportunity

Intelligence is being able to make a lemon out of a lemonade, or is it the other way around?

Am I Wearing Pants?

Click on it to make it larger.

It's especially important to wear the right sort of pants at yoga classes. Namaste.

If not large enough for your tastes, click on it!

Part-Time Strippers

A society columnist in Houston was recently identified as a part-time stripper.  Apparently, the Houston Chronicle doesn't pay their writers enough, or she does it for the fun.

The latter may be a possibility.  After all, the notorious Pink Pussycat in Windswept, ND had a notorious similar case.  The proprietor of the Pink Pussycat, one Buford Wilson, had enough of the drug-addled and unreliable strippers he has beforehand hired for his performers, so he fired them all.  After all, his club was a prime entertainment venue on the High Plains and he wanted it to keep its sterling reputation.

So he needed temps in a pinch.  To do this he had an ad run in the local weekly plus the big city publications, the Herald and the Dakotan.   Immediately his phone began to ring, and he asked each candidate to come in for an audition.

One was Brenda, the branch manager of a local bank, 35 and a little on the zaftig side.

Another was a skinny NDSU student named Heather who was working for "weed money."

Still another was Corinne, the girl who got tired working at a convenience store; stripping was more convenient for her lifestyle.

Helga, the organist from the Lutheran Church also signed up.  She was 4o+ and hoping to meet a husband this way.

There were several others eager to try their hand, but most avoided using the pole as part of their act.  Not

Hiring these as part-time strippers did have the effect of increasing attendance.  After all, the locals were particularly desirous of checking out the local talent.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2012/03/houston_chronicle_stripper.php

Hairy Armpits

On Thursday some forty Swedish women gathered at a Malmö square in the afternoon to taking a stand against the recent internet controversy over women's hairy armpits. Anni Isis, one of the protesters, declared that “We want to take a stand for all those that are insulted. It is about gender roles and letting everyone be themselves.” The demonstration was organized by the Malmö Feminist Network (Malmös Feministiska Nätverk).

Apparently, Sweden’s online basement-dwellers got worked up about one woman’s hairy armpit being exposed during a live television broadcast of the Melodifestivalen song contest finals on Saturday.

Apparently the person in question, Ehrin, was cheering the Swedish Eurovision candidate Loreen when her clearly visible underarm hair appeared momentarily on live TV and in the living rooms of an estimated 4.1 million Swedish television viewers. The nation was shocked, in a Swedish way. A Facebook user then managed to take a screenshot of Ehrin’s hair, which he posted online – an image which then spread like wildfire across the site.

Within hours, thousands of people had “liked” the image, and hundreds shared the image with their own followers on their own Facebook pages. This, in turn, caused some people to make rude remarks. But remember, thousands of people liked the image. Those would be the pro-hairy armpit faction.

Isis further commented, “It is proof that many live in a narrow-minded and normative world. We have to challenge these structures.” The women gathered in Malmö on Thursday had reacted to the massive online outcry that erupted against the woman with her scandalously unshaven hairy armpit.

Isn't Sweden cold, like North Dakota? Several women here don't shave their legs until late Spring, and sleveless dresses or shells are not taken out for several months.

Apparently, Swedes can behave as nonsensical as Republicans and Democrats.

The Best State . . . . . The Worst State

An activity very much like a dog chasing his tail is the forever occurring "Best of ......., Worst of........" when it comes to states, cities, or countries. Compilers of these almost always have an axe to grind, and use it to ridicule some other places that they dislike or feel fortunate that they don't have to live there. The most common recipients of that type of attention are the states of the Deep South and California.

Now what prompts this is hard to say. Perhaps its lingering animosities from the Civil War (strangely more cherished north of the Mason-Dixon line), perhaps it's resentment of those places and the people there by envious souls (We can't all be California girls; my teeny bikini languishes in a closet since my trip to Galveston two years ago and the emergence of something of a muffin top), maybe it's just xenophobia. After all, lutefisk, bean salad, and hot dish do give culture shock, as does our nondescript state capitol.

States can be compared on objective criteria. It's reasonable to talk about the coldest state, or the least populated one, or the one with the most walking trails. And we do have objective data from police reports on murders, rapes, burblaries, muggings, auto theft, and other ills that the underclass lays on us. Oh yes, data like alcohol consumption, percent of obses people in the population, average age, and other countable data.

But when it comes to subjective data, we're pretty much inclined to let the buyer beware. How do they determine that the state is the rudest state, the most interesting state, the state with the cutest guys or gals, or for that matter, the states with the best and worst images?

I recently read that the states that make the best impression are Hawaii, Colorado, and Tennessee। The states that yield the worst impression are Illinois, Utah, Mississippi, and California। But there may be many states that make no impression at all. I'm afraid the Dakotas fall into that category.

At least we don't have the image of being filled with dangerous survivalists (bicoastal bogeymen, if you ask me) or being truculently rude, or being dangerous religious fanatics.

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

Are you satisfied with your girls? Maybe knowing that you have something in common with a celebrity would help.

Find out which celebrity has two things in common with you:

http://www.blogthings.com/whosyourcelebrityboobtwinquiz/

Lutefisk and Yams

Lutefisk and Yams

by Ulf Gunnarsson

Hark and ware, oh Warrior!

Weird of Sven now hear you.

How good Lars he harried,

pestered him with questions.

Late at meadhall light burned;

Lars did strive to largenbelly with a bowl of boiled fish his mission.

And some chunks of chicken,cheese and bread and peasoup,

finally pounds of pancakes

paired with lingon berries.

Smallish snack he snuck while

woozy wife lay snoozing.

When inside there wandered

forth a fellow northman.

Lars did greet him greatly

for he knew the gruesome

tales of host who hasten

travellers forth from doorstep.

Lars did ask his name then.

"I am Sven," he mentioned.

"Sven I am," he stated.

"Do you like lutefisk and yams?"

"Nay." said Lars, "though largely

like I food most goodly, but

I do not like lutefisk and yams,

I do not like them Sven I am."

"Ah," said Sven most sagely.

"Would you eat them on a trip?

Would you eat them on your ship?"

"Nay," said Lars, "though largely

like I food most goodly, but I would not eat them on a trip.

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams,I do not like them, Sven I am."

"Ah," said Sven.

"Then maybemight you eat them on a raid?

Might you eat them with a maid?"

"Nay," said Lars most strongly.

"Like I food most goodly, butI would not eat them on a raid,

I would not eat them with a maid,

I would not eat them on a trip,

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams.

I do not like them, Sven I am."

"Hmmm," said Sven, "Good fellow,would you eat them on the field?

Would you eat them off your shield?"

"Nay!" cried Lars most wrothly,

"Like I food most goodly, butI would not eat them on the field,

I would not eat them off my shield,

I would not eat them on a raid,

I would not eat them with a maid,

I would not eat them on a trip,

I would not eat them on my ship.

I do not like lutefisk and yams.

I do not like them, Sven I am."

Sven then looked most crafty.

He then slyly stated:

"Would you eat them served up cold?

Would you eat them if I paid you gold?"

"Well," said Lars, "since largely,

Like I food most goodly...

I might like lutefisk and yams.

I might like them, Sven I am."

Sven produced this Swedish

yam and lutefisk sample.

Lars did test this tasty treat then longly pondered.

Stoutly Lars then stated:

"I despise lutefisk and yams.

I despise them, Sven I am.

I will not eat them served up cold,

I will not eat them if you pay me gold.

I will not eat them on the field,

I will not eat them off my shield,

I will not eat them on a raid,

I will not eat them with a maid,

I will not eat them on a trip,

And I will NOT eat them on MY ship!

I do not like lutefisk and yams,

I do not like them, Sven I am."

And he slew Sven.

Ulf Gunnarsson

Big Ten Hypocrisy

Their prissinesses, the University of Iowa, declined to invite the University of North Dakota to a track meet because of UND's team nicknames: The Fighting Sioux. They were being Goody Two-Shoes by excluding any team with a Native American nickname, despite the fact that it was the North Dakota legislature, and not the University, who reinstated the old team nickname.

However, they extended an invitation to the University of Illinois's Fighting Illini, claiming that they were contractually obligated to do so because Illinois and Iowa were both in the Big Ten.

I don't know if any trousers are on fire; but I smell the sweet fragrance of Big Ten hypocrisy!
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At this time, MSN is conducting a poll asking, "Should UND change its name and logo?" Presently, if UND doesn't do it, the NCAA will forfeit all of the games that they won.

The results, as of 6:30 A.M. on March 2nd are:

73% No, the University should keep them 118,293 votes

6% Yes, the nickname and logo are offensive 9,627 votes

21% I don't care 34,744 votes