St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen - Highly
effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved
Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
and improves flirting.
Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge
to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage
girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.